His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
