Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
