is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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