Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
