I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
