tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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