I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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