piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
