i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
