i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
