So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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