I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do vagina's smell?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
