Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
