You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
