She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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