its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
