i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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