i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
