Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
