I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
