the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
