I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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