I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
