THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
