Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
