I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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