My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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