You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
