did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
