I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
