okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
