i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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