There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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