did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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