I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
