I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
