is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
