Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
