My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
