Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
