I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
