she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
