Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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