Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
