the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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