You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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