It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
