Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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