So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
