can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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