i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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