I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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