i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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