Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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