So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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