why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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