she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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