And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
