Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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