I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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