Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
