We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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