Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
