The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
