Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
