Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
