The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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